JKR's writers suicide
by The Rouge Glow-worm
Summary: WIth the release of OotP around the corner, many fanfictions and theories are in danger of being voided. But what would happen if JKR gave up writing and let US finish the series? Here, JKR gets sick and hangs up her quill - funny


This story came from a conversation on WIKTT, discussing how the fanfiction world would change after June 21st's release of OotP. 

Credit Where It's Due: 

You know JKR's stuff.

Riley's "Pawn to Queen" - A Hermione/Snape story that was discontinued a few months ago. Immensly dissapointed, I was.  
Pigwideon - Writer of "The Sybil's Oracle," also was recently discontinued.  
"The Insanity Trilogy" with Lorna Doors - a story written by Spamwarrior covering Harry's 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th years. Also  my namesake. Lorna Doors was hung up on bathtubs and the idea of tie dying Hogwarts.  
And, of course, lanamariah for the verse snippets I nipped. She's awesome.

I'm a single working mother

With a little mouth to feed

And years of teaching in Europe 

Left me very much in need

Of some find of miracle,

Which came in the form

Of a little orphan boy

Alone and forlorn.

This tiny seed grew and grew

Into a tale amazingly long

(And, depending on your religion,

An archetype gone wrong!).

But all the masses ate it up

A million copies, two, three, four, five!

Pretty soon I'm world – famous

Because of a boy who didn't die.

First the craze hit Britain

American was next.

The whole world was caught up 

In this explosive text.

Soon, no matter where I went,

The bloody Press was there.

"Jo, can you tell us what's in store?

The plot bits you give are rare."

Wherever I went, I wasn't safe

They tracked my every step.

And all the rumors flying 'round 

Were giving me quite a rep!

As world – renowned as I was,

No one ever asked, "Jo who?"

So soon enough, I was wed

And promising, "I do!"

Now my life's focus has changed

I'm on a constant high. 

I no longer really care

If Albus lives or dies

Or if our Hero turns to evil

And is Severus really good?

Who knows, under all that espionage,

He really truly could

Have been in love with Lily

Or be Voldie's long lost brother. 

Could Remus have loved Pettigrew?

Or maybe there was another?

But I don't care what happens to Harry

Or if Draco lives or dies

Or if the next one's Sirius

Or if it'll make you cry.

This long term lack of cannon

Has made some fans sad

And they've started writing fanfics

(Although they're really bad!).

They'll have even more absurd thoughts

After The Order of the Phoenix.

I wonder what will happen

After I've written book six?

And all the movies, by the Gods!

Have helped to raise interest.

Now Mattel, Warner Brothers, and AOL

Have filed request after request

To out – make Hogsmeade's candy shops

Or create dolls of the gang,

Some of their models are horrible!

The worst one of all is Fang.

But the fans all eat it up

And ask to pay for more.

All the while they're crying,

"We need more books than just four!"

With all the shit Harry takes

And all that he's caused me,

I want to just stop writing.

Maybe they'll let me be!

I've lost my love for the story,

Like Riley's "Pawn to Queen."

There's been dozens of good stories lost

Because the writers feel like me.

The masses hounded them for more.

"Another book! More chapters!

We know you're dead sick of us,

But your story has us enraptured!"

I'm joining the scores of writers

Like Riley and Pigwideon.

I'm hanging up my quill,

I'm taking more time with my son.

My daughter and husband need me.

I'm a mother, like I said

And Harry's not my son.

I've got real life to live instead.

I give you my world,

Hogwarts is yours.

Appease Lorna Doors,

Tie Dye it Rainbow colors!

Or turn it into a place

For Lemony fresh smut.

Make Dudley a Wizard

Or Hermione a slut.

It belongs to you

My beloved fans.

Write what you will

Grow the story best you can.

But I'm a woman as well

As a writing Goddess.

For many years I had your ideas

A creativity Shepherdess.

Now I want to live my life

This is my writer's will.

What's coming will come, we'll meet it indeed, 

But I've had my fill.


End file.
